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  1. Back To Top    #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nimbus View Post
    Wait, so does that mean that H8's contributions don't count towards the story? Should they be ignored?
    Oh, by no means. I think this just gets chalked up to me not understanding how to work with others sometimes. Or just being stupid, lol.

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    What in the world is going on here? Well, I guess I should probably elaborate.

    Deebo doesn't take too kindly to being kicked in the balls. Who would? The thing is.....he's 6'5" over 300 pounds. Pretty big fella. Not the one I would have fucked with. Could he have just beaten John and Dales asses? Probably, but he wanted to do something more in line with a Deebo thing to do. He decides to steal their toilet. Yes.....their toilet. Along with all of their toilet paper. He just lifted it up out of the floor like it was nothing.

    John and Dale come back to their cell and as you see.....water is going everywhere. That fucker didn't even bother turning the water off. Dale screams for the lead prison guard. She just goes by Officer Nimbus. Why Nimbus? I think it comes from her obsession with Yamcha from Dragonball Z. Not sure though. Could be wrong on which character she has all over her walls. I'm thinking Yamcha, though. Dale knows that she's overall a pretty fair guard and treats people with the same respect that they show to her. Well, John didn't get the memo. As she approaches he immediately thinks that since she's a woman that his tough guy persona will work. He starts barking orders like he is actually important or something. She just looks at him funny and tells him that she can't seem to locate her pen to write a report about the missing toilet. The problem was that she had a pen in her hand the whole time. John points this out and she just says...."what pen?" She then opens the cell and takes John's mattress and toothbrush. John goes full macho and starts punching the wall. Officer Nimbus decides that it's time to call the warden.

    The warden is an interesting guy. He has a mechanical arm and goes by H8. Rumors have it that his real name is Henry, but no one knows for sure. He became obsessed with The Tudors(especially Anne) so H8 just sort of worked. He arrived at the cells and the first thing he said was

    "What is so important that I had to leave a harem council meeting for"

    Nimbus said "Well we have a "badass" on our hands. He seems to think he's too good to follow policy"

    John screams "I'm taking this fucking place over"

    H8 say "Oh really? Your mom should have just left you as a puddle on her bedspread, but since she didn't now I am stuck dealing with your dumbass. You think you're a tough guy.....ok. Nimbus, go grab my lead enforcer........nah, on second thought here's what we are doing to do. Go to the infirmary and lets load Dale here up on Viagra. Laxatives too so they will miss that toilet even more"

    Nimbus says "If Dale's going to be pumped full of Viargra shouldn't there be some sort of......umm.....arousal material?"

    "What do you have in mind?"

    "We could put that old TV in front of their cell and play gay porn for the next 48 hours"

    "Brillaint.....you might end up talking me out of that nude Phil Anselmo pic after all with this type of superior work."


    John says "What about my toilet?"

    Nimbus says "Still haven't found my pen"

    From a distance H8 hollers out "Oh yeah, let's get Tannen back in gen pop. Why the fuck was he in isolation anyways?"

  3. Back To Top    #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by HateForTheMasses View Post
    http://imgur.com/ToEIBVy.gif
    What in the world is going on here? Well, I guess I should probably elaborate.

    Deebo doesn't take too kindly to being kicked in the balls. Who would? The thing is.....he's 6'5" over 300 pounds. Pretty big fella. Not the one I would have fucked with. Could he have just beaten John and Dales asses? Probably, but he wanted to do something more in line with a Deebo thing to do. He decides to steal their toilet. Yes.....their toilet. Along with all of their toilet paper. He just lifted it up out of the floor like it was nothing.

    John and Dale come back to their cell and as you see.....water is going everywhere. That fucker didn't even bother turning the water off. Dale screams for the lead prison guard. She just goes by Officer Nimbus. Why Nimbus? I think it comes from her obsession with Yamcha from Dragonball Z. Not sure though. Could be wrong on which character she has all over her walls. I'm thinking Yamcha, though. Dale knows that she's overall a pretty fair guard and treats people with the same respect that they show to her. Well, John didn't get the memo. As she approaches he immediately thinks that since she's a woman that his tough guy persona will work. He starts barking orders like he is actually important or something. She just looks at him funny and tells him that she can't seem to locate her pen to write a report about the missing toilet. The problem was that she had a pen in her hand the whole time. John points this out and she just says...."what pen?" She then opens the cell and takes John's mattress and toothbrush. John goes full macho and starts punching the wall. Officer Nimbus decides that it's time to call the warden.

    The warden is an interesting guy. He has a mechanical arm and goes by H8. Rumors have it that his real name is Henry, but no one knows for sure. He became obsessed with The Tudors(especially Anne) so H8 just sort of worked. He arrived at the cells and the first thing he said was

    "What is so important that I had to leave a harem council meeting for"

    Nimbus said "Well we have a "badass" on our hands. He seems to think he's too good to follow policy"

    John screams "I'm taking this fucking place over"

    H8 say "Oh really? Your mom should have just left you as a puddle on her bedspread, but since she didn't now I am stuck dealing with your dumbass. You think you're a tough guy.....ok. Nimbus, go grab my lead enforcer........nah, on second thought here's what we are doing to do. Go to the infirmary and lets load Dale here up on Viagra. Laxatives too so they will miss that toilet even more"

    Nimbus says "If Dale's going to be pumped full of Viargra shouldn't there be some sort of......umm.....arousal material?"

    "What do you have in mind?"

    "We could put that old TV in front of their cell and play gay porn for the next 48 hours"

    "Brillaint.....you might end up talking me out of that nude Phil Anselmo pic after all with this type of superior work."


    John says "What about my toilet?"

    Nimbus says "Still haven't found my pen"

    From a distance H8 hollers out "Oh yeah, let's get Tannen back in gen pop. Why the fuck was he in isolation anyways?"
    Well, guess it's back to shitting on the floor for me. Maybe Tannen can get my toilet back!

  4. Back To Top    #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Dixon View Post
    Oh, by no means. I think this just gets chalked up to me not understanding how to work with others sometimes. Or just being stupid, lol.
    Interesting. If not working with others can be chalked up to taking their original ideas, claiming that they were the product of organic development despite them being given directly to you, taking the credit and then downplaying their considerable contribution, then your comprehension is correct. Or maybe it's the second option.

  5. Back To Top    #35
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    So far only part of the story has been told. A prison can't function without it's warden, and that warden can't effectively run things without his trusted team. Let's meet the crew...

    Officer Norton

    Highly religious, he believes in two things...discipline and the Bible. Despite this he is the guard most likely to turn a blind eye to Deebo's illegal activities. As long as he gets his cut. Knows way more about the prison money laundering scam than he let's on. It should be noted that he just bought a brand new car...

    Officer Doakes

    One of the fairer officers. His colourful vocabulary means that the prisoners are either "Fuckers", "Motherfuckers" or "Fucking Motherfuckers". He has a sixth sense for trouble and knows when it's all about to kick off. He has an interesting relationship with Warden H8 and although it's clear that he respects him greatly, he doesn't totally trust him!

    Officer Nimbus

    Warden H8's unofficial second in command. Generally fair minded, her zero tolerance for back stabbing sons of bitches and genuine evil streak mean that the warden values her opinion. She only torments the prisoners who genuinely deserve it. Rumour has it that she can be bought off for a naked picture of Phil Anselmo and a packet of smokes. This is unconfirmed.

    Officer Barney

    He is the most courteous and respectful of the officers and treats the pris ones very well. It should be noted however than anyone who doesn't appreciate this kindly behaviour, has a tendency to ''disappear".

    Officer Nokes

    The Motherfucking devil. Pray he's not the one who puts you in solitary.

    Officer Bubba

    Big, Dumb, carries a large nightstick. Uses it frequently. Does not take kindly to prisoners who steal his "sunglasses in the daytime" gimmick.

    Officer Ferguson

    AKA "The Freak". Specialist in body cavity searches and torture. The prisoners have learned to fear her black leather gloves. Game Player, Psychological Terrorist, Pervert. Needless to say, her and the Warden get on like a house on fire.

    You thought the prisoners were bad? You ain't seen nothing yet...

  6. Back To Top    #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nimbus View Post
    So far only part of the story has been told. A prison can't function without it's warden, and that warden can't effectively run things without his trusted team. Let's meet the crew...

    Officer Norton

    Highly religious, he believes in two things...discipline and the Bible. Despite this he is the guard most likely to turn a blind eye to Deebo's illegal activities. As long as he gets his cut. Knows way more about the prison money laundering scam than he let's on. It should be noted that he just bought a brand new car...

    Officer Doakes

    One of the fairer officers. His colourful vocabulary means that the prisoners are either "Fuckers", "Motherfuckers" or "Fucking Motherfuckers". He has a sixth sense for trouble and knows when it's all about to kick off. He has an interesting relationship with Warden H8 and although it's clear that he respects him greatly, he doesn't totally trust him!

    Officer Nimbus

    Warden H8's unofficial second in command. Generally fair minded, her zero tolerance for back stabbing sons of bitches and genuine evil streak mean that the warden values her opinion. She only torments the prisoners who genuinely deserve it. Rumour has it that she can be bought off for a naked picture of Phil Anselmo and a packet of smokes. This is unconfirmed.

    Officer Barney

    He is the most courteous and respectful of the officers and treats the pris ones very well. It should be noted however than anyone who doesn't appreciate this kindly behaviour, has a tendency to ''disappear".

    Officer Nokes

    The Motherfucking devil. Pray he's not the one who puts you in solitary.

    Officer Bubba

    Big, Dumb, carries a large nightstick. Uses it frequently. Does not take kindly to prisoners who steal his "sunglasses in the daytime" gimmick.

    Officer Ferguson

    AKA "The Freak". Specialist in body cavity searches and torture. The prisoners have learned to fear her black leather gloves. Game Player, Psychological Terrorist, Pervert. Needless to say, her and the Warden get on like a house on fire.

    You thought the prisoners were bad? You ain't seen nothing yet...
    Now that's a fucking team of guards.

    - - - Updated - - -
    @John Dixon Who is your least favorite guard so far?

  7. Back To Top    #37
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    @Officer Nimbus out of the guards which one is the most difficult to deal with and why?

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    Quote Originally Posted by HateForTheMasses View Post
    @Officer Nimbus out of the guards which one is the most difficult to deal with and why?
    Well, despite the fact that they are quite the formidable team, as you can expect there are issues that come up from time to time. The one that keeps the warden on his toes the most is Officer Ferguson. The warden has his finger in many pies, but that doesn't mean he's entirely happy with the number of arses that the Freak seems to want to insert hers into. There is a rumour however, that a couple of the inmates secretly like it. One in particular got himself a nice makeover from Dale, the prison's head stylist so that he would look all pretty for her. She didn't care, in fact she found that his new cornrows gave her something to grab onto so she could hold him down. She was quite upset that he seemed to enjoy it. I don't think it's just a finger going in there next time.

  9. Back To Top    #39
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    Officer Nimbus's walkie talkie burst into life, the warden needed her in his office now. She left Gary Coleman to continue scrubbing the latrines with John Dixon's toothbrush and went to see what he wanted.

    "Make sure you put that back when you are done" she snapped over her shoulder at him.

    She found Officer Bubba and the Freak already waiting for her. Both of them looked highly amused by something. The warden, by contrast, did not.

    "Officer Nimbus" he said, "You know that I always trust you with the more um, delicate prison issues....but frankly this shit is just pissing me the fuck off".

    The warden gestured to his desk, as Bubba and the Freak stifled more sniggering. On the desk stood piles and piles of opened mail. Officer Nimbus lifted one letter from the top and started to read...

    Dear darling sexy warden,

    You are so hot Bro, like seriously. I see you every day and dream about you and how I want to be with you, or maybe just BE you. You are so awesome, man. You don't notice me though Bro, not in the way I want. I want to take your mechanical hand and hollow out your body and climb inside it and live as you. Then you will notice me. I have got really great abs by the way, man. You would really like them. I'm not like super buff, but I'm pretty fit even if I say so myself. I am in no way gay. I love you! Please notice me!

    Your secret admirer.

    Officer Nimbus looked at the letter underneath and the one under that and the one under that. They were all the same. Desperate love declarations mixed with creepy almost threats. The letter she had just opened also contained a drawing lovingly rendered in Crayola of a stick man with a mechanical arm being mounted by what looked like something from a horror movie. It appeared to be wearing sunglasses.

    All the letters were written in the same child like scrawl. She looked at the piles and piles all over the warden's desk.

    "I had Bubba and Ferguson here go through them to check there was nothing even worse inside. This is what I've received in the last two days". He gestured to the piles of mail.

    "Do you have any idea who wrote them?" asked Officer Nimbus.

    "I have an inkling" replied warden H8. "I want a stop put to this. I can't effectively run the prison if I have to have an entourage at all times to guard my arse from lovesick inmates. I don't want to have to set Nokes and Ferguson on him, but if it continues, I'm going to have no choice. I was wondering if maybe you could think of an alternative?"
    He looked at her hopefully and then glanced at the drawing and made a sick face.

    "Don't worry Chief" she said. "I know exactly what to do. But I need you to do something first. I need you to release Tannen from solitary. If you release Tannen. I can put my plan into action".

    The warden nodded and picked up the phone.

    "Nokes" he said. "Unleash hell".

  10. Back To Top    #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Officer Nimbus View Post

    Officer Nimbus's walkie talkie burst into life, the warden needed her in his office now. She left Gary Coleman to continue scrubbing the latrines with John Dixon's toothbrush and went to see what he wanted.

    "Make sure you put that back when you are done" she snapped over her shoulder at him.

    She found Officer Bubba and the Freak already waiting for her. Both of them looked highly amused by something. The warden, by contrast, did not.

    "Officer Nimbus" he said, "You know that I always trust you with the more um, delicate prison issues....but frankly this shit is just pissing me the fuck off".

    The warden gestured to his desk, as Bubba and the Freak stifled more sniggering. On the desk stood piles and piles of opened mail. Officer Nimbus lifted one letter from the top and started to read...

    Dear darling sexy warden,

    You are so hot Bro, like seriously. I see you every day and dream about you and how I want to be with you, or maybe just BE you. You are so awesome, man. You don't notice me though Bro, not in the way I want. I want to take your mechanical hand and hollow out your body and climb inside it and live as you. Then you will notice me. I have got really great abs by the way, man. You would really like them. I'm not like super buff, but I'm pretty fit even if I say so myself. I am in no way gay. I love you! Please notice me!

    Your secret admirer.

    Officer Nimbus looked at the letter underneath and the one under that and the one under that. They were all the same. Desperate love declarations mixed with creepy almost threats. The letter she had just opened also contained a drawing lovingly rendered in Crayola of a stick man with a mechanical arm being mounted by what looked like something from a horror movie. It appeared to be wearing sunglasses.

    All the letters were written in the same child like scrawl. She looked at the piles and piles all over the warden's desk.

    "I had Bubba and Ferguson here go through them to check there was nothing even worse inside. This is what I've received in the last two days". He gestured to the piles of mail.

    "Do you have any idea who wrote them?" asked Officer Nimbus.

    "I have an inkling" replied warden H8. "I want a stop put to this. I can't effectively run the prison if I have to have an entourage at all times to guard my arse from lovesick inmates. I don't want to have to set Nokes and Ferguson on him, but if it continues, I'm going to have no choice. I was wondering if maybe you could think of an alternative?"
    He looked at her hopefully and then glanced at the drawing and made a sick face.

    "Don't worry Chief" she said. "I know exactly what to do. But I need you to do something first. I need you to release Tannen from solitary. If you release Tannen. I can put my plan into action".

    The warden nodded and picked up the phone.

    "Nokes" he said. "Unleash hell".
    The safety if the warden must be top priority. It looks like the lead enforcer might have to be called upon until this secret admirer is put in check. Then there's the question as to whether or not to warn the harem of the potential danger. I doubt the warden would care either way. I do have to wonder if this admirer happens to be a fan of Vince Russo, though.

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