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  1. Back To Top    #1
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    The Smoke of LA(Crime Drama)

    I've been developing this Fan-Fiction that isn't a zombie fiction, it's a crime drama, thought I'd share my idea with you guys, feedback would be appreciated.
    "The Smoke of LA" the title has a lot of different meanings, if your smart you can figure it out but I just want to share my idea and know if you guys are interested, some tips could be appreciated.
    The summary is in the second picture

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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    another poster

  3. Back To Top    #3
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    THE SMOKE OF LA
    CHAPTER 1: Welcome to The neighborhood

    Patrick sits on an airplane, reflecting on his life, his past decisions, and how it came to this. Patrick or “Pat” as his friends back in London would call him was a Chief Inspector in his Prime. Quite eccentric at times, but that’s what people loved about him. He looks down at the cup of alcohol in the cup holder in front of him, he then looks over at the overweight snoring giant he is sitting next to. That’s coach for you, all the things cops and soldiers do for their countries but they still are treated with the up most scrutiny. Sure you may get the occasional nod or thank you but is it really worth it? Patrick looks down as his phone receiving a text from his friend Jon who has been living in LA for the past 2 years. Patrick has been forced to relocate to Los Angeles after the infamous mob boss Jimmy Torino has put a price on his head. Which has attracted every headhunter and bounty hunter on every continent. 40 Million For Patrick Dead, it’s not hard to imagine the price if Patrick was brought to him alive. Patrick was reluctant to transfer to the states, but after what happened to his mother he didn’t want to take any chances of the something happening to his Father. Patrick was an only child, and like it matter. His father was always on a business trip when he was growing up and his mother was a Nurse down at the local hospital at least 16 hours a day. Didn’t really leave much room for family time. Patrick used to watch all those old crimes shows growing up and was a huge fan of Sherlock Holmes and Arthur Doyle. After graduating from school he enlisted to become a police officer and after 3 years of hard case work he was finally made a full-fledge Inspector. His Father and Mother were very proud of him. Before the case against the Torino mob family Patrick was cracking cases and sending people to jail for about 12 years. When murders started fitting the Torino family’s M.O. Patrick started digging up great evidence with his Partner and high School friend Roger Kowalski. After almost a year of trying to get something on Ronald Torino they finally caught a break when one of Ronald’s associates was caught red-handed killing a prostitute in an alleyway. Ain’t that a bitch? Haven’t even gotten her home yet and already stabbing her. Good thing Patrick and Roger were already there scouting out the club when it happened at. The man gave up Ronald, but only Ronald and not his organization. The evidence was brought before Ronald and he was arrested and charged with murder, attempted murder, money laundering, and too many things to count. Let’s just say he wouldn’t be seeing the outside of a prison unless it’s in a casket. After Ronald is imprisoned his son Jimmy Torino took over the Family business, and calls for Patrick and Roger’s heads. After not even a week later Pat’s partner Roger was shot and killed, there was no way to trace it back to Jimmy or his organization. Patrick realized he was in danger. Not even a month later Patrick is about to go out with his Mom to go to a restaurant after her heart surgery went well, after they leave they start walking to his car. Patrick stops and realizes he forgot his wallet in the house, he goes back in and hears an explosion outside. He runs back outside and sees his car has exploded, his mother is laying on the ground near the car burnt to a crisp. Ever since that day his father has blamed him for his mother’s death. It hasn’t even been a month since his mom’s funeral, his father didn’t speak one word to Patrick at the funeral. The Commissioner of the London Police Department decides that Patrick needs to leave the United Kingdom and gets into contact with the Governor of California, Patrick becomes certified to live in the US and decides moving out of his country is the best idea. And that is where we come to sitting next to the fat man sleeping. Patrick has to get use to a new lifestyle such as driving on the right side of the road and eating McDonalds every day, wait he did that back home anyways. The Governor of California Thomas Hardwick gets into contact with the Chief of the LAPD and asks if he wants a Chief Inspector from London. The Chief, Don Rollins, says that it is impossible to transfer law enforcement officials from one country to another. So Don tells Thomas that he’ll take Patrick if he can pass the recruitment phase once again. Patrick is reluctant at first but eventually agrees to the terms. Patrick didn’t realize how many changes there are between certain law enforcement agencies. It takes Patrick a good while to pass the recruitment phase, struggling along the way. He finally does pass it. Patrick gets ready for his first day. He takes a stroll on the beach. He is walking along when he sees a familiar face.

    Patrick: Jon?

    Jon: Patrick! Oh my god…

    Jon hugs Patrick

    Patrick: It’s been what, 2 years?

    Jon: Yes it has! I didn’t know you were in town.

    Patrick: I live here now, I work for LAPD.

    Jon: Why? Weren’t you Chief Inspector over home?

    Patrick: Well…….Jimmy Torino happened…

    Jon: Wait a second, I heard on the news that Ronald Torino is in prison for life.

    Patrick: I was the one that put him away, but now his son wants me dead. He already got Roger.

    Jon: Roger’s dead?

    Patrick: Yes, almost a year ago, they got him.

    Jon: How are your parent’s doing?

    Patrick: Torino got…….my mom too.

    Jon: Jesus…

    Patrick: My dad wasn’t even there when it happened. He was away on business and my mom had just gotten heart surgery so we were gonna go celebrate after she got out of the hospital. My dad blames me for everything.

    Jon: Hey it’s not your fault man, its Jimmy Torino’s fault, how have the cops not figured out he did it.

    Patrick: Oh they were sure it was him but there was not enough sufficient evidence. He is still free. That’s why I’m here, I’m 100% sure he was gonna try again so I had to leave.

    Jon: So you’re a cop over here? That’s awesome! How do you like it?

    Patrick: I start tomorrow. I’m just a street cop right now, being Chief Inspector in one country doesn’t matter over here.

    Jon: You’ll get back up there.

    Patrick: I can only hope.

    The next day was Patrick’s first official day. Patrick walks into the Police HQ. He walks past a group of cops that look at him. He then accidently bumps shoulders with a guy.

    Guy: Hey bro…watch the jacket…just got this thing pressed.

    Patrick: I’m sorry, hey I’m kind of new here can you…

    Guy: Oh my god you are wasting my time so much right now…down that hallway, you must be the *fake British voice*Chap from London that the chief so kindly decided to bring here*end of voice* frankly I don’t see what he sees in you and I don’t really care man. We’ll find out you’re trash by the end of the week I guarantee.

    Patrick: And who might you be?

    Jack: Detective Sergeant Jack Williams, write that down if you need to, oh wait on second thought don’t. You’re boring me, the Chief is at the end of that Hallway, good luck.

    Patrick walks down the hallway and gets the office that says “Chief Don Rollins”, he knocks on the door.

    Don: Come in!

    Patrick walks in.

    Don: Chief Inspector Patrick Graham, well you WERE Chief Inspector.

    Patrick: Yes, thank you for giving me the opportunity to prove myself.

    Don: You don’t have to, you’re getting put in Homicide.

    Patrick: Is…..that even legal to do that?

    Don: You have 12 years of fine service to the people of London and you also took out a major Crime Lord. We all watch the news Graham. You have many murder cases solved under your belt, that’s exactly what we need.

    Patrick: Um, well I’m certainly honored and a little surprised I was ready to meet other Inspectors….

    Don: They’re called Detectives over here Pat

    Patrick: you already have a nickname for me this is sort of…

    Don: It’s alright….I am not homosexual Graham.

    Patrick: I wasn’t saying you were.

    Don: Good, now your next order of business is to meet the other Detectives.

    Don walks out of the office and Patrick follows him.

    Don: Alright the Captain of Homicide is Jerry Caldwell, he is defiantly a pain in the ass but a good cop no doubt. The next is Lt. Marissa Rollins…

    Patrick: Uh is that…

    Don: Yes she is my daughter. The next is Sgt. Jack Williams…..

    Patrick: I just met him in the hallway.

    Don: And you still went into my office, frankly I’m surprised right now.

    Patrick: Let’s just say I hope he’s not my partner.

    Don: Thankfully for you no, you got a newbie, I don’t know if that’s better or worse. Her name is Detective Kelly Turner….

    A guy comes running down the hallway, a girl right behind him.

    Don: what the…

    The girl tackles the guy knocking over someone coming through with paperwork on a cart. Paper flies everywhere.

    Don: Detective Turner what the hell?

    Kelly: Sorry Chief, this guy sure knows how to pick hand-cuffs.

    Don: This is why you watch the suspect until he’s actually in the cell.

    Kelly: I mean to be honest Chief he’s in a building filled with cops I don’t know about you but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know he wasn’t gonna get away.

    The Guy: This is bullshit I didn’t do anything!

    Kelly: Sure you didn’t buddy.

    Don: Eric book this guy.

    Kelly: What the hell Don?

    Don: First off, you address me as Chief, is that clear?

    Kelly hands the suspect over to another Officer.

    Kelly: Fine.

    Don: Second, you have a new partner. Kelly, meet Patrick Graham, the newest…..newest addition to Homicide.

    Patrick puts out his hand to shake but Kelly hugs him instead. Then she grabs his fist and gives him a fist bump.

    Kelly: Nice to meet you.

    Patrick: Uh…

    Don: Well I can see you guys we’ll get along great. Patrick….you and Kelly have your first case.

    Patrick: Already? I just started. Don’t I have to meet Cpt. Caldwell?

    Kelly: I wouldn’t want to, *whispers* he’s kind of a dick

    Don: A Chief Inspector should be able to go right in, you guys have a murder down on the beach. Victim’s name is Jon Granger, 30 years old. Was found on Long Beach this morning. Forensic team is sweeping it right now, you’ll get the chance to meet Dr. Gary Morgan, one of the best Forensic Experts on the West Coast.

    Patrick is shocked, his best friend is dead, and he saw him a couple hours before dark yesterday walking on Long Beach. Patrick was very interested. Don walks off. Patrick starts walking towards the front door. Kelly starts following.

    Kelly: Hey wait up man.

    Patrick: Okay rule number one, I’m not a big fan of hugs unless you’re someone I know well alright?

    Kelly: Got it now anyways I call driving us.

    Patrick: Wait…

    Kelly: Wait up man, I heard about you man you were a Chief Inspector which means you are from the United Kingdom, most likely London right? I picked up on that when you started talking, I can also tell you have personal space issues as when I hugged you I felt you cringe up. And since you were a Chief Inspector and now a Detective in a Homicide Department I doubt you came here willingly, you were very good at your job, a little too good, I bet certain people are after you right?

    Patrick: Okay…..can you stop that.

    Kelly: Your new to town, I doubt you have your own car, so I’m driving. I always drive.

    Patrick: I can sense control issues.

    Kelly: Okay if we’re gonna get along you gotta start opening up man. Tell em what you like what your goals are…

    Patrick: My goals? I was a Chief Inspector in London, now I’m stuck living in a city where washed up actors make other people burgers for 4 pounds a…

    Kelly: Its dollars over here man. You have a lot to learn.

    Patrick: I have a lot to learn?

    They get in her car and they start driving towards the crime scene as Kelly starts blaring “Come and Get it” by Selena Gomez.

    Patrick: Okay this isn’t happening…

    Kelly: My car, my radio, my music.

    Patrick: Now is see why you like using your car…

    End of Chapter 1
    Featuring, as in appearing
    Chief Inspector/Detective Patrick Graham
    Jimmy Torino
    Ronald Torino- In prison
    Governor of California Thomas Hardwick
    Daniel Graham
    Trina Graham – Deceased
    Jon Granger – Found Dead, Patrick and Kelly are heading to the crime scene to meet Dr. Morgan
    Chief of Police Don Rollins
    Detective Kelly Turner
    Eric – Street cop in LAPD
    Detective Sergeant Jack Williams

    thanks for the support guys

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    Good so far

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    THE SMOKE OF LA

    CHAPTER 2: The Mark


    On the way to the crime scene Patrick starts to wonder if his past is starting to catch up to him as his concentration is broken by Kelly who snaps her fingers in his face. Patrick exclaims “Would you please not do that?!” Kelly says “Alright crabby ass. You need to lighten up.” Patrick says “We’re on our way to a crime scene, I’m pretty sure lighting up isn’t in my job description.” Kelly glares at him. They finally make it to Long beach. Patrick approaches to see a small man, dwarf size taking pictures of the crime scene as cops stand around holding back gawkers. Kelly approaches asking “So Gimli what do we got?” Gary says “Very funny Kelly, when I ever need you to shoot another cop for me I’ll let ya know.” Kelly says “That was one time.” Patrick says “Wait what?” Gary says “You must be Patrick, Chief called me before you guys got here, welcome to America.” Patrick says “From what I’ve seen so far I wouldn’t say Welcome is the right word to use. So what is this about a shooting a cop?” Kelly says “It’s nothing.” Gary says “Well, Miss America here was chasing down a suspect, and her former partner went around to flank him and when she came around the corner she shot her partner thinking he was the suspect. Long story short the guy got away and Reggie called for a new partner.” Kelly says “I had a lot of adrenaline, o wasn’t thinking clearly.” Patrick says “That’s terrible, so when did this happen?” Gary says “Oh that was last week.” Patrick’s face drops.

    Det. Jack Williams goes through the crime scene tape yelling “Don’t worry everyone! Det. Sargent Jack Williams is on the scene, hide you kids but not your wives. Might as well called this one solved.” Gary says “Great James Bond is here.” Jack says “Hey Bilbo, if I want your opinion I’ll ask for it.” Marissa approaches saying “How about we cut to the chase fruitcakes, what do ya got Gary?” Gary says “thank you for asking Marissa.” Patrick puts his hands out saying “Hello, I’m Patrick.” Marissa says “Don’t” Marissa walks up to the body. Gary says “Well I’m guessing just winging it at the moment but I’d put time of death around 10:30 to Midnight last night. You can obviously see cause of death is gunshot to the head.” Marissa asks “You think this was the kill site?” Gary says “Looking around I’d say he was just dumped here.” Patrick walks up and kneels down and says “God damn it Jon.” Marissa says “Did you know the victim?” Patrick says “Yeah, he was from the same neighborhood in London as me. Moved over here a couple years ago.” Marissa says “Did he have any enemies?” Patrick thinks for a second, knowing good and well who probably did this but says “No, I don’t know”

    The Detectives put gloves on as they search the scene around the body. Jack checks inside Jon’s pocket. He pulls out a receipt to a bar. Jack says “The Slipper, Jesus the names of bars these days is terrible, looks like our boy got himself wasted, he ordered like 30 drinks on this thing.” Kelly takes the receipt and looks at it and says “Our guy wasn’t ordering beer neither, he was ordering stuff that was going 60$ a bottle.” Marissa says “Me and Jack we’ll check out the bar. Kelly, you and the new guy keep looking down the scene here.” Kelly nods. As Marissa and Jack are heading back to Marissa’s car Patrick asks “She seems pretty young to be calling the shots around here.” Kelly says “Well her father is the chief so what do you expect? Plus she’s the only one of us besides Jerry that takes their job seriously, guarantee she is getting promoted to Sargent.” Patrick says “Jack seems like he should already be Sargent.” Gary is nearby and laughs saying “Jack is nowhere near Sargent material, he’s been here almost as long as me and he hasn’t done anything. Needs to get his act together. Kelly says “These footprints ours?” Gary says “There’s an evidence marker beside them for a reason Kelly.” Kelly shrugs off his bantering and says “Size 10 I’d say.” Gary says “Actually its 10 ” Kelly says “Whatever, so you saying our killer is size 10 ” Gary says “Nah, that may just be some random footprint, this is long beach after all.” Kelly looks closer and says “Does the average person have blood on the bottom of their shoe?” Gary walks over and Kelly shows him the tiny spec of blood inside the footprint. Gary says “Well Det. Turner you are quite observant” Kelly says “Thank you I try.” Gary says “So are guy is a Size 10 , that’s just about half the human population.” Kelly says “Hey I’m trying here.” Patrick says “Good job Kelly.” Kelly says “Hey I wanna see you do some actual police work here.”

    Patrick says “You seem to be on fire, didn’t want to put you out.” Kelly laughs and says “Let’s go talk to the person that found him this morning.” The 2 of them approach the man who is sitting asking a cop if he can go yet. Kelly says “Detective Kelly Turner, this is Detective Sherlock Holmes, Los Angeles Homicide, we’d like to ask you some questions.” Patrick says “The name is Patrick Graham” Kelly says “So did you see anybody around the body when you called it in….ummmm Josh?” Josh says “Yeah” Patrick says “Are you from the UK?” Josh says “Yep, from right outside London. And to answer your question no. I’m just visiting was gonna be heading back tomorrow actually.” Patrick notices a tattoo on his neck. The tattoo is a T with 3 slashes through it. That is the mark of the Torino Mafia. New recruits get it after they’ve killed their first person. Patrick becomes increasingly worried. Kelly asks Josh a few more questions and then says he’s free to go. Josh says “Alright you’re welcome, bye Kelly…..bye Patrick.” Josh walks off. Patrick realizes Jimmy has already found him, and they killed his friend Jon to let him know that they are coming.
    Last edited by AdamUpBxtch; September 11th, 2014 at 02:12 AM.

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